Cultivating the garden where you are



Over the past few months, I’ve reflected on the trajectory of this platform. Cryptic trivia puzzles were the inception, leading to the podcast, and then the micro-essay. Yet, somewhere along the way, deadlines began leeching the joy out of the process.

Then, I stopped them.

This is unusual for me; deadlines typically provide an adrenaline boost.

But, perhaps, the crux is: I’ve been juggling a lot.

To give you an idea, in these few months, I am in the last year of my residency while making the transition into a clinical research fellowship. I am trying to adjust to my new home of Washington DC. My plate has been overflowing—from sharpening my medical expertise, nurturing relationships, keeping up with my reading, playing with the novel form, hanging on to artificial intelligence by its coat tails, learning about computational modeling for decision-making and learning processes, and oh, launching a media platform for my storytelling.

You might be thinking, “Damn, son.”

You also may be thinking that I am walking burnout.

My response?

I’ve got this.

I’ll keep pushing. The tapestry of these varied experiences will culminate one cohesive project. However, exhaustion does set in. And on those days, my couch becomes an engulfing abyss, with Law & Order reruns playing in the backdrop, casting a shadow of a day squandered.

I don’t have this.

Vincent Van Gogh’s life offers an illuminating depiction of this battle. He delved with fervor into his passions, only to occasionally drown in waves of despair.

I used to wonder, Who lets themselves be so devoured by their passions?

Today, I see traces of that same fervor in many, varying in intensity.

So, what’s the underlying challenge?

It’s navigating the lows, ensuring they’re just fleeting phases and not extended pit stops. A possible antidote might be in fine-tuning one’s focus and ambitions. I chase after grand visions, often overextending myself.

Reflecting on Voltaire’s Candide, which I am overdue to reread, I’m reminded of the saying, “Il faut cultivar notre jardin” — “We must cultivate our garden.” While open to interpretation, the words nudge me to concentrate on what’s immediately accessible and truly the highest yield in my life. This means cutting the wheat from the chaff in all aspects of my life and doing something that is notoriously hard for me—focus.

So, the road ahead?

This platform is on the brink of metamorphosis, driven by continuous experimentation. More Chaotic seeks to dissect the various shades of disorder, charting our endeavors to unearth patterns in chaos. My intention is to strike a balance — delivering quality content that resonates with my initial motivation behind this venture. Picture it as threading trivia into seamless narratives of chaos. I’m excited at the prospect of presenting more consistent content, grounded in entertainment and practicality.

Your insights will be instrumental in this journey. If you have perspectives and ideas to share, they’re always welcome.

It’s challenging to pivot. At times, persistence seems like the answer, but there’s an allure in mastery and finding the necessary things to master at the necessary time.

This shift isn’t a reboot; it’s evolution.

If my introspection resonates with those feeling stuck, I hope it spurs you into action – but not too much.

I’ll be back very soon.



The information contained in More Chaotic is for informational and entertainment purposes only. This newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something discussed on this platform.


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